Week 3 Update
The past 2 weeks have had their toll on me. I regressed in most areas due to things outside of my control. Each of them affected me more than I had thought.
Mental Health - I allowed things to creep back in and I paid for it royally. I have been slowly getting things back to where I want them to be and have made some progress in having a calmer peaceful life.
With the stress I had, eating properly went out the window. I had a lot of food noise in my head with it. My protein was up and down depending on how I was feeling. Lower protein does make me feel more hungry and tired. I am working on this area and need some time to make some protein richer meals that I can put in the freezer and enjoy each day.
Spending more money is still an issue. I have what I want and only buy what I need. I have bought some fabric and supplies I need to make some items for fun. The quilt I made in the winter is now long arm quilted and I can finish it. I am taking part in a contest for the fun of it.
I have become quite selective with social media. I watch videos that are interesting to me. Some of the videos have allowed me to think about what I want to sew, others for decorating my house, and one about a house that was renovated about 10 minutes from me. I play my games but am not forcing myself to do them if I don't want.
I have been enjoying sewing items for daughter's living quarters in her horse trailer. I have fun using 2 fat quarters and 2 half meters of fabric. I have two more pieces I want to make with hopes that the fabric will be used up. It is fun to sew a style that is cottage core but will fit in a small space. It is also making me think about what I want to do in my house.
Though I had a lot of stress, I have kept the upstairs tidy and clean. I did have three days where I was worried about my health. Two days I had my heart rate drop low before 8 am. I forced myself to do more on those days to see if it was a fluke or if I was ill. My heart rate has been good since then. The third one was low SPO2 one day. I was worried as it dropped 4% in one day. It has since come back to its normal range. I am monitoring all of this but am feeling well.
Outside work has been done but I need a day to spray weeds. Every time I plan on it, it rains before the spray has a chance to work. I have pulled weeds where I can and will continue to do that on a regular basis. I have flowers planted and the Spousal Unit's rose bush has 8 buds on it. I have most of the vegetables planted. I have 2 cucumbers left to plant next week as they need to show their next leaves.
I will check back in a week to let you know how I am doing.
Week 1 Update
Week 1 had great results and I am pleased with the progress I made.
Mental Health - I do worry but am learning that if it is outside of my control I can't force someone to do anything they don't want to. What is in their circle of control is out of my control. I am stepping back from it all and allowing myself to have a more calm and peaceful life.
Eating properly has begun. I have worked on eating 30 grams of protein each meal and it has helped me keep my blood sugar more level and has given me more energy. I am trying to eat balanced meals which can be hard but I am forcing myself to do that. I am loosing weight and am happy that I am about 1/3 of the way to mini goal #1.
I am spending a bit more money on myself. It has to be items I will consume right away. I am enjoying having new fabric and yarn when making projects but am mindful that I need to sew and knit yarns I already have along with the new fabrics.
I have become more selective with social media. I have the games I want to play plus one I do on occasion. I have become more selective on what I watch on YouTube. Some of the videos I watch are calming while others I need to remind myself that it is their choice if they have messes to film, have too many supplies crammed in a small space. I remind myself that if I don't like what I am watching I can leave it and find something I do enjoy watching.
I have started to realize that I can take my fantasy life of wanting to make for a craft bazaar and apply it to making items for others. It is a win-win situation as I can play with fabrics, patterns, and give away what I make. At the moment I am playing with fabrics and patterns to make items for daughter's living quarters in her horse trailer.
I am working at balancing housework, yard work, volunteering, and sewing/knitting. I started out putting away all the clutter I had upstairs and it has made me feel much better. Putting away items that come into the house immediately gives my brain a positive jolt. I have planted some items outside and want to finish up this week. I have crafting planned for today as I need to get more reindeer candy holders made. Though I am tired, I push myself to do things to keep the house looking tidy and calm.
I will update next Sunday with how I am doing.
Starting Over June 1
May was a stressful month for me. It started out with my car having to have the hybrid batteries replaced. Then my daughter's situation continued to plague me more than I realized. I was worrying about her safety, her future and her mental health. The weather was cold and wet which affected my mental health. I realized that all of the above, car included, were out of my control but I could not park any of it and move on. I holed up and had one long pity party which I have declared is over.
June 1 brings new things for me. I am starting over again and moving forward.
Mental Health
Depression and sadness are deliberating and I found that I had both and I holed up. I was trying to control things I couldn't control and it made me feel worse. I didn't want to be dependent on others to get me around though I do know that having the rental car didn't help. I was in too deep at that point. Worrying about others made me feel helpless as I was trying to make things better. The dull, grey, cold weather mad me hole up inside and sit on the couch wanting sunny warm days. I was actually stewing over things out of my control and not doing the things in my control.
My actual wake up call came from a comment from the osteopathy therapist. I remembered another comment from a person who has mental health issues. Get up, put one foot in front of the other and do something within your control. I did that -- I started to clean the house once again and it actually helped me feel better. Doing small chores while waiting for floors to dry helped me a lot. Doing some professional reading and looking for ideas to decorate the house, make historical costumes for the dolls, and to sew and knit something I really wanted to make lifted my spirits and help lift the cloud of gloom over my head.
I still worry about things but I am taking a direct approach to them. Most are out of my control but I can tell the person what they can do and let them decide if they want to do it. I can support people who need it but I can't do the work for them. I only can do what is within my circle of control. For example if there is a rat infestation on the block I can't do anything about it until it directly affects me.
Self Care #1
I have not taken the time to eat properly the last few months. Trigger foods have been bought on a regular basis. I have eaten out more than I had wanted to. I did not want to cook many nights. I was eating a lot of processed and unhealthy foods which I bought to help me feel better. They actually made me feel worse.
I do have healthy food in the house now. I have a couple of things to eat that are borderline but not trigger foods. The trigger foods are gone and only one will come back when I absolutely need it. Hopefully that won't be until fall when I start to make soup again. If I have to make soup, I will make chicken vegetable soup which I have everything for it in the freezer.
I am going to do a fridge and freezer inventory asap so I know what I have and what I need to buy. One thing will be some beef as I don't eat very much of it. With my kidneys function stable I am going to add a bit more to my diet. I am going to buy some fresh vegetables and fruit so I can eat more of them.
I plan on tracking what I eat and loose the weight I gained. It is part of my plan to help take pressure off my joints and be ready if I ever need to have those joints replaced. I also feel better if I eat simple healthy foods.
Self Care #2
I have spent the first 4 months and most of the 5th month spending very little money. Part was depression, part was I needed nothing (or so I thought), and part was staying home due to a multitude of reasons.
Sewing became something that I almost stop doing. I was not enjoying most of the projects I was working on. The ones I did enjoy were fun. Others were difficult and I would avoid the sewing room. I did a quick look at the fabrics I have. I see a whole bunch of orphans and they are really uninspiring. I realized that I needed something fresh to work on. I allowed myself to purchase a lot of fabric at the end of May. I am excited to sew them up in June and July.
Knitting was better than sewing. I actually knit yarn I wanted to knit and tried out a couple of patterns. I used up a lot of yarn in April and May. More than I had thought I would. Knitting most nights relaxes me. I did allow myself to buy 5 balls of yarn to knit an afghan for myself and I need to buy 5 more balls so it will be long enough.
The sewing room got a bit of a clean up but it isn't finished. It needs me to finish it and then relook at it once again and see what I want to do with a lot of my stuff. I have a box of books that I need to take to the thrift store. I need to figure out what to do with my scraps as the group who took them has disbanded.
Self Care #3
Cutting back on social media. I found myself scrolling on my phone, playing games, and watching a lot of Youtube. I know it goes back to how I was feeling. The games were to quieten my brain from all the thoughts I was having. The videos were doing much the same thing though I started to notice that some of them were affecting me mentally. The ones I enjoy watching are those that I save for night. I love watching how others live in other countries and the places they live and how they remain positive under conditions that are beyond their control. The ones I find that are affecting me are those that seem to use their homes for content. Build up a huge mess to clean in their video, have kids that don't help, complain all the time that they are tired of the mess, the renovations they really wanted or the weather.
Will I blog every day? I hope to as it is like writing in a journal for me. Will I watch a lot of YouTube? Not as much as I use to. I am watching only those that I enjoy the most. The others I won't. I will do searches to help me make items for my house or how to make an item. There are some great videos out there along with some crappy ones.
Self Care #4
My fantasy self/life. Though I have been really good about what I will do craft wise and sold a lot of stuff at the yard sale, I found myself falling back into one area of my fantasy life. The craft bazaar. How it has haunted me in May as it was a great way to shut out life. I found myself searching for ideas to make items, how to have a great booth set up, and much, much more. I was ready to start this all over again when I realized that it was only a fantasy. When I watched a person bulk sew and sell at a three weekend craft bazaar I realized I am not going there. The prices she charges for her products I can't charge here. I'd have to find craft bazaars in areas that could support those kinds of costs.
As I was reading one blog, I realized that that what she wrote about selling items was not for everyone and that included me. She talks about what not to make and what to make. As I scrolled through her free patterns, I realized I can make a lot of them for my home as they have the flair I like. I can make them for gifts for daughter as she likes them also. I can take my fantasy life and make it a reality even if I don't sell them.
My goals for this month are:
Less social media time
Sew and knit what I want even if I don't sew or knit anything using the stashes
Cook and eat healthy foods to stop inflammation and to loose weight
Balance housework, yard work, and other activities so I have balance in my life.
Begin to think of ways I can do volunteer work besides at the hall. One is to make quilt tops at home for the Linus project this winter. I know some volunteer work needs me to be active with a group but others I can do on my own. I know I have to balance this as I do not function well with a lot of people around me.
I will report on how well I do at the end of the June.
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