I am on a journey to live alone in my senior years. Though I have decluttered and purged for the past 14 years, I am still working through the items I still own and have in the house I want to age in. It has become a thoughtful process in which I will document here. Come back to see how I am doing.
Nov. 18, 2024
I am slowly working through my thoughts on how much I need in my house. I am trying to find a balance of what to keep and what to let go of. As the sewing and family rooms have been giving me a lot of anxiety and stress, I moved towards thinking I needed way less than I have. I was moving towards making the house feel cold and sterile. I caught myself thinking about this yesterday when I was cleaning upstairs.
As I continue to work paint and clean, I have know that I have a low clutter threshold. Lower than most people. I am working at having less; becoming minimal. But I am not becoming a minimalist. I am working at letting go of what I no longer need or love. I am working towards having a place that is tidy, easy to keep clean, and cozy. I am realizing there is a difference.
I have also realized that I have a lower stress threshold than I use to. I can tolerate some stress in my life. What I didn't realize is that having messy cluttered up spaces causes me to have stress. Trying to keep track of things I have and no longer use raises my stress levels. Having spaces messy causes my stress levels to rise. I am finding my stress threshold as I clean and paint this house.
I allow myself to think about what is the right amount of stuff I need on this level. What makes me happy? What makes me feeling anxious?
- Clutter leaves me anxious. I am a person who likes things in their place.
- I like things in containers. I like them behind doors in a very organized way. I like lots of empty surfaces. I am working on that.
- What decorations I have out I love. I tend to put items I don't love into cupboards and I need to let them go. I am working on that at this time.
- I love to be able to clean up easily and quickly. If I have too much I tend to let things pile up and ignore them. In areas that are well organized and having only what is needed seem to stay cleaner than my "hot spots".
I am continuing to work on how much is too much and finding a balance of what is right for me. There will be anxiety, stress, and the feeling of despair when I keep moving through the house cleaning and decluttering. I know there will be moments of joy when I let go of hobbies that I no longer want to do, or giving items to others to enjoy. And I will find that balance slowly over the next while.
Nov. 15, 2024
I have been thinking constantly about what is too much. It is such a hard decision to make and I know what is right for me is not what is right for others. That makes it hard to discuss with others as we all have a different stress threshold for clutter and how much we need in our lives. There are emotions attached to our possessions; both positive and negative. I know I feel guilty letting go of items that I have carefully stored away and never used for 10 years. Some have good memories and some negative ones.
I sat in the mess I have created in the family room hand stitching the binding down on a quilt I made. I looked at the quilt knowing will be nice to wrap up in during the winter. I enjoyed the project from start to finish. I met my goals with this quilt -- precision and accuracy. This quilt is full of positive emotions. I am very proud of it.
I looked at the mess around me and cringed. Some negative emotions came up. Most of it was around buying fabric I didn't need. Some of it was bought for reasons that were wants, to support business, and from pressure to meet goals or expectations that were unnecessary or unrealistic. I am constantly reminding myself that this was from the past and I am working on the now and the future. As I deal with each item, I say good bye to it and hope it gives someone else joy.
I am down to sorting through the last tub in the sewing room closet. Once it is done, I will tidy up the mess in the family room and put what is to go in the storage room. It can reside in there until our spring garage sale and then the thrift store. I keep questioning if I have purged hard enough. Is the closet at or below my stress threshold. Will I use up what I have left or will it still be sitting there untouched next year. Do I still have some of my fantasy self left in that closet. These questions are going through my mind constantly. While I dwell on this, I have to remind myself that the sewing room has been the hardest room for me to purge. Not just this one, but the previous ones I had. I have to remind myself how much I had in 2015 when I did my first purge to what I have now. I know it is more than 50% less. But I also know it is still too much for me. A lot of it belongs to dreams I had in the past which are not a part of life now.
I am struggling with what I want to sew in the future. I do not want to feel like I have to do so much each day or sew so much fabric each week. I want to find the joy in sewing again. I do have moments of joy when sewing. I come out of the room feeling happy and content. I am slowly starting to figure out what causes that. Part of it has been removing the pressures of what I should do and sewing what I want to. It means kicking out external pressures and working on internal satisfaction. It means slowing down and enjoying the process. It means no set time to finish a project or sew up 100 meters a year. It means having the freedom to work on projects I want to when I want to.
I will continue to struggle as I work through the sewing and craft stashes. A vision is slowly evolving but it still resides in the mist. I know that it will evolve and become clearer as I work through deciding how much is too much.
Nov. 13, 2024
With the leather gone to its new home, I was able to focus on what I need to do in the house. I spent some time upstairs decluttering the end table. It had counted cross stitch supplies on it. It was a task I have put off and I realized that I won't be doing much of it in the future. I kept a bit and let go of the rest with a few items trashed. Here is what I am left with. The top tub will be gone when I get an empty pill container for the needles.
If I don't use it by the end of 2025, this tub will be gone. I did the same with the beads and am down to what I want. With those two containers done and an empty tub put away, I focused, once again, on the sewing room closet. I got out the Halloween fabric and put the two pieces into the donate/sell pile. I found a kit I had put together and will make a neighbour the wall hanging for next Halloween. What is left will be sorted out and gone. I also looked at the fancy fabrics and flannel I have for doll clothes and let go of a lot of it. One piece of lace is going to daughter as she wondered where it was. I had brought it with me when we moved. I have one tub of cotton fabric and a basket of ?? to go through and the closet will be done. I hope to have 50% gone. It is still more than I need but a lot less than I had and not using. I will review what I have next November.
I am painting my bedroom and know I need to do some decluttering in there. I am ready to donate the Spousal Unit's shirts. I am thinking about the feather duvets. I also need to give a friend a couple of items of clothing I will never wear. I know they will fit her.
I looked at my want list and have decided which items I need. I ordered a portable generator to have when the power goes off. It was on sale and affordable. I am now waiting for the vacuum cleaner I need to go on sale. Hopefully it will be on sale for Black Friday.
I am starting to feel more calmness coming over me as I sort through my belongings. I know that what I am keeping is what I want at this moment in my life. I know what I am buying is going to help me stay in my own home for longer. The combination is feeling right for me at this time.
Nov. 8, 2024
Yesterday I found some calmness in my brain. I have been struggling with some leather that has resided in my sewing room closet for 4 or more years. Daughter sent it to me thinking I would sew it up. I realize it was from a past season in my life and I was not going to sew it. Daughter has decided to put real leather on dresses she will be making so I boxed it up along with 11 meters of fabric and it is going across Canada to her. The leather and fabric no longer own me and I was happy to ship it to her to use in her sewing. I felt very calm and happy when I dropped it off at the post office in the afternoon.
The second period of calmness came watching a video on Swedish death cleaning. I read the book several years ago and forgot about it. I was busily trying to organize my clutter. I was trying to figure out why I was wanting less. Part of it is I have a lower clutter threshold. I needed less in my life to feel calm. As I said, upstairs is almost there and when I tidy up, I know that it will be easy to get the job done.
The downstairs has been my "fantasy" life. With a lot of thinking, I am always saying that I will sew up the stash and everything will be fine. But as I watched the video the author of the book said that we should be looking at getting our lives in order so that when we die our loved ones don't have to deal with the excess. I really wouldn't want family to have to deal with the basement as I have too much excess in the sewing and family rooms. I really want to be the one who deals with the excess and not them. I don't want to burden them with that job.
I am now thinking about what I will keep and what I will let go of in both sewing and crafts. It will take time as I sit and handle my "hoard" and make decisions. What is my goal for sewing? What is my goal for crafting. What will I keep, what will I let go of. What will I want to do as I get older? I need to set boundaries and guidelines. I need to use my new words "focus" and "calm" to help me work through these areas.
I am really finding what I thought would be simple more complicated as I work through this journey to simplify my life. But as I explore and learn, I do feel that understanding they why's are helping me be calm.
Nov. 7, 2024
I am still dealing with my thoughts. I am living in what I deem is a mess as I am now painting my bedroom, trying to make gifts to send to daughter, and figuring out where I need to be in my life. WWIII is still raging at times but I am starting to find some calm in what I want to do and where I want to be.
As I work through my mess, I haven't touched a thing in the basement. I want to make sure that when I start decluttering my "fantasy" life, I can do it quickly vs over a long period of time. It is a project for when I can't be outside a lot. I do know that a lot will be going and only what I enjoy doing will stay. I want the basement to be a calm and organized place for me to work in. Right now, it isn't that as what I have is haunting and owning me. I need to finish a project and then gather up what I am not going to be using and either give it away or sell it. I know what crafts I want to do and what I don't want to has to go.
The sewing room is going to get another purge also. I have been working through the closet and am at a standstill. The leather I found is on my sorting table. I am not sure what to do but daughter wants to buy leather and make fringe for rodeo dresses. I need to look at what there is and seriously talk her into using what I have. Then I can box it up and ship it back to her. Once that is done, I will then proceed with finishing cleaning out the closet.
One big thing I am going to stop doing is dreaming about designing patterns for dolls. It is not something I really want to do as I am past that stage in my life. I enjoy pulling out the slopers once in a while to make a pattern but I don't do it on a regular basis. The binders will go into the book case for reference and all the materials I use will go into a file box that will fit in the book case. I can pull the materials as I need them and have them put away when I am not using them. The basket of pattern making items I have upstairs will be dealt with and what I borrowed from a friend returned when she gets home.
Upstairs is messy as I am painting my bedroom. I will be going through the closets and seeing what I can let go of and what I will keep. It should be an easy job there isn't a lot in the closets to let go of. Our bedroom has been very minimal for the last 12 years as I have a sleep disorder. The less that is in the room the better it is for me to relax and sleep in. I still need to decorate it so it is cozy but not cluttered. I also know if the house has less clutter, I relax more and move about the house feeling calm and less agitated.
As I work through my thoughts on deciding how much is too much, I am realizing that what is right for me may not be right for someone else. People think my house is perfect the way it is but for me it isn't. I need to continue working on getting below my clutter threshold so I can be calm and relaxed. It also helps me keep the house clean and tidy which is important as I get older.
Oct. 30, 2024
Yesterday's cleaning and thinking had my brain fighting WWIII. It was a difficult day going through every single thought I had and dissecting them into small bits and fighting off the negative thoughts. I was fairly tired when I got done.
The upstairs of my house is coming along nicely. I am at a point where my possessions don't own me and I can take care of what I have fairly easily. There is still some purging to do but it isn't hard or overwhelming. I can do most of it when I paint a space. I am down to getting routines established to keep everything neat and tidy on a daily basis. I have areas that I have routines set and love how I do them each day. One is resetting the kitchen after dinner each night. It gives me joy to have this routine.
The basement was harder for me to deal with. The war was raging when I thought about what I need to do down there. I had to work through a lot of thoughts as I mentally tried to formulate a plan.
1. My stuff in the basement owns me. It is defining who I am. Other people's opinions mattered. I realized that it is driving some of my depression and IBS issues. I need to realize that I am special, not what I have down there. I need to stop being influenced by others (real and on YouTube). The thoughts have been creeping in slowly but they have started to rush in quickly. I need to take control of what is in the basement and stop being influenced by others.
2. The basement is my fantasy self. It started years ago and l let it continue on especially after the Spousal Unit passed away. I had the space that I could spread out into. I could live the dream I wanted to -- make and sell crafts. I could quilt, sew for the dolls, and make gifts. What I realized was -- I am not happy with this fantasy self. I want to enjoy sewing and doing some crafts. I want to have fun in the basement doing crafts I enjoy in a tidy minimal place. I am not going to stop sewing and crafting, I am going to work on becoming more selective in what I am doing in those areas.
3. I need to be a good gatekeeper. This means only letting in what I need. But it also means letting go of what I don't need. It means that I don't have to feel obligated to support businesses by buying things that I will regret down the road. It means being selective in how I support them. It means deciding on what I will continue to do and what I will stop doing. I am working my way through that.
My plans are evolving, developing, changing, and I am finding that I am starting to define who I am in the basement. The process is going to be slow and I am going to stumble and get off track. I will have to visit the thrift store to unload my car or put it away to sell in the spring at the garage sale. It is time to look at the basement in a real way and let go of my fantasies. I really want to reduce my stress threshold.
Oct. 29, 2024
I have begun to declutter once again as I paint my upstairs from a yellow beige to a calm warmer light grey. As I complete an area, I realize how my depression has lifted especially now that the days are getting shorter. The rooms are brighter and calmer for me to live in. This job won't be finished until at least February as I am slow.
It is a big step for me to paint as I have been in rehab for a hip issue. In the past year I have gone from limited mobility from a hip that was tipped forward to having it in place, from muscles so tight several had to be dry needled to me being able to stretch them almost free of pain. I have more mobility but I have also promised my family that I will only do what I can with the ladder I have and will have one of them to be with me when I need a taller ladder. I do not want to fall and not be able to live here. Safety is first and foremost in my mind and life.
I am still working away at decluttering. It seems to be a cycle that I am stuck in. At the moment, I like to use a term someone coined as "peeling away the clutter". Clutter does come to live in everyone's house if you don't focus on having routines in place to eliminate it. We tend to forget, get busy, and just plain ignore it. I do all three. I need to focus on a few rules.
There is a fourth one that haunts me at times. I mean haunts me. It is supporting small businesses so they can survive. It has caused me to over buy and regret those purchases. I am slowly working through them. I support a small mobile knitting store. This lady travels a lot but only comes to our area twice a year. I buy enough yarn to last that long. I knit it up as fast as I can. It is a business I can support. The other business is a quilt shop. I have bought fabric from them for projects and have bought some fabric I have regretted. I am finding that I can support them by having them long arm my quilts and to buy only the fabric I need for the project at hand. I still struggle with this one but am learning a lot about myself as I work through my thoughts and feelings.
The Joy of Less by Francine Jay was discussed in this video. I have watched it several times and am trying to find the book to read online. I love these points from the book.
- You are not what you own. You are special not the things you own. In the past I thought what I owned defined me. In some ways it did and in other ways it didn't. What other people's opinions are don't matter and that I can live the life I want. It is only then that what I own will define me.
- We buy to indulge our fantasy selves. One example that hit home used by Francine Joy was: "A knitter/sewer/scrapbooker/woodworker extraordinaire with enough supplies to fill a craft store when you rarely ever complete a project?" That was me and I had a stash that was full of projects I would never complete. I have projects planned and I will do them but I need to pare down on things I know I will never complete. I am working on that. It is hard to let go of items you have bought for your fantasy self. But they don't own me and I can let go of them which I have done in the past and need to continue doing as time goes on.
- Being a caretaker of all our things can be a full time job. More stuff means more stress. It doesn't mean we have to get rid of it all. In some areas of my house I have 50% less than I use to and know it means 50% less cleaning and maintaining. Not bringing items in to fill that space means less debt. The areas I am having problems with, I will continue to work on them letting go of items that no longer bring me joy or I will never use.
- Be a good gatekeeper. Decide what I will let into my house and what I won't. What will help me age in my home. What can I enjoy without owning. What do I need that will help me in my home. What will bring me joy. One thing I do know is having a vacuum cleaner I can handle easily each time I go to use. It will come into my home as I know I will use it on a regular basis. I see this becomes making smart choices in what you buy and what you stop to admire.
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